Getting engagement in Communication
Have you ever had one of those awkward conversations where the other person just doesn’t seem to talk? Today we discuss how to help build engagement in those difficult conversations, so read away!
Getting engagement in communication
So you meet someone new, a colleague, a friend, a boss and this is your conversation.
You: “It’s so nice to finally meet you! We are so glad to have you on the team! How long have you lived in the area?”
Them: “Nice to meet you-for awhile.”
You: “Oh that’s awesome! I’m also a PNW born and raised. What’s your favorite area to visit on the weekends?”
Them: “Ummm, wherever.”
You: “Nice-yeah I like to visit the Nob Hill area as there is so much good food and shopping. Do you like to eat out much?”
Them: “yeah totally when I can.”
What a frustrating conversation! You are trying to make connections, build communication and get a true conversation going, and yet you mainly get short answers! Ugh-we’ve all been there.
How do we build engagement, draw conversation out of a person and help to make connections when we communicate?
Let’s start with changing the way we think of communication. So often we think of communication as what I want to say or share, or as what someone is trying to say or share with me. But instead let’s think of communication as the art of helping those around you express themselves, their feelings, ideas and beliefs.
When we shift our perspective from sharing what we want to say, to helping those share the expertise, insights and ideas inside of them-conversations become very altrusitc, kind and fun! You are helping someone else, and they are sharing the thoughts deep within themselves that they might not have expressed to others. Whether its due to a lack of vulnerability to share, or a lack of desire from the listener to listen to their answers, we can help them process their own thoughts and feelings in conversations.
There are many different strategies people use to get engagement in conversations, but our process stems from Motivational Interviewing. Here’s some of the key steps to building engagement in conversations.
1.) Listen more
2.) Reflect back what you hear in statements, speaking from their world view-how they feel and not what you feel.
3.) Summarize what you hear: This makes the speaker A) hear their own words, but B) recognize that you are truly listening to them!
So let’s take that interaction above and follow these 3 principles in that conversation.
You: “It’s so nice to finally meet you! We are so glad to have you on the team! How long have you lived in the area?”
Them: “Nice to meet you-for awhile.”
You: “Oh that’s awesome! I’m also a PNW born and raised. You must have some favorite spots around here you love to explore.
Them: “Ummm, yeah, the Washington/Oregon coast is a fun place to go to.
You: “Yeah, since you’ve lived here quite some time it makes sense that you know all the hot spots. I’ll have to check out the Oregon coast soon. You must have some favorite activities you like to do and you recommend.
Them: “Oh, we like to fish, and just walk around the downtown-occasionally go boating with a friend. It’s pretty fun.”
You: “Love that you have so much experience around this area, now I know who to go to for fishing advice and local hot spots to walk around in.”
Them: “Yeah, we like to get out on occasion it’s fun to try our hand at fishing too. The coast has so much to offer from fishing, to hiking to boating. It’s all fun!”
Do you see how much more engagement we received when we stepped into their world, heard them and used reflective statements.
Communication Challenge:
Next time you’re in a situation with someone that is giving you short answers, try one of the 3 strategies to see if you can get just a little bit more engagement!
Want more?
Make sure to check out our membership or one of our online classes! Introduction to Motivational Interviewing is a great place to start by learning the basics!
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