Values based Communication
How often do you think about your values when communicating with a loved one? What are common/typical values? When you make decisions, or you help a loved one make decisions, how often do either of you think about your personal values and how those decisions align with those values?
In a fast paced, busy world it’s common for individuals to not think about their values or communicate using their values as things move so quickly. But what would decisions, what would life, how would we feel to think about our values each time we made a decision?
Today, this newsletter is all about exploring how we can communicate using values, as well as individually think about our values more often!
First, lets talk about some common values:
Quality of Life
As you read over these common values, which 2 or 3 resonate the most with you? And how do you live in alignment with those values each day/week or month?
When we communicate with others, and we choose to include values in our communication, it draws the listener’s attention away from the typical problem and towards their values. When we think of our values FIRST, and the problem second, the solutions can be clearer to us.
Let’s look at an example, let’s say your talking with a friend considering changing their job.
Friend: “I just am so tired of my boss, they are always on me and never allow me to do my own thing. It’s exhausting trying to please an always moving target of what they are looking for.”
You: “Yeah you want to have more autonomy with how you do your work, which would create more daily peace and fulfillment.”
Friend: “Yeah-exactly, I’m missing peace in my life and I want it soo bad.”
You: “Well, when you think of what brings you peace-what are some other things that bring you peace in your life?”
You can now see the focus is on Peace, rather than hating a job, we can help our friends creatively think of their own solutions to get to a more peaceful place. You can even take it one step further by then tying the conversation back to their job, like this.
You: “So you’ve mentioned a few things that bring you peace, getting your Starbucks in the morning, enjoying a good book and taking “You breaks” to meditate or slow down, when you think of your work and your boss, what are some ways you can infuse more Peace into your daily life at work?”
When we use values based communication, it feels good to us, because we are helping others, and it feels good to them to be heard and understood, but to think about things more creatively and critically.
Communication Challenge: Next time you are in a conversation with someone, try to connect what they are saying, to some possible values they have. You can even try and say those values back in a sentence to see if they nod, agree or like what you said!
Make sure to check out our membership or one of our online classes! Introduction to Motivational Interviewing is a great place to start by learning the basics!