The Change Conversation
During a recent Motivational Interviewing training I had the pleasure of facilitating, one participant asked me a question that sat with me well after the training concluded. “Is this how you communicate in your personal life with your friends and family?” My immediate response was “Yes, I do my best to communicate like this in my personal life (as much as reasonably possible) because I believe it’s the most effective way to ensure people I care about feel deeply heard and understood”.
As I drove home that evening I couldn’t stop thinking about this question. The small but sometimes loud hyper-critical piece of my mind wondered if I really was doing my best to practice communicating as effectively as possible in my personal life. The more I thought about the idea of “effective communication”, the more I grappled with what that actually meant. From a Motivational Interviewing lens, we can literally measure effectiveness with the MICA – it tells us exactly which strategies and intentions we performed well in and the areas we can improve in.
But nothing like that exists when measuring the effectiveness of our communication in our personal lives. The challenge I’m always working on is figuring out how to thread the needle between applying the aspects of Motivational Interviewing I know I excel at (e.g. high accurate empathy, guiding, evoking etc.) with the interpersonal qualities needed for fostering relationships that aren’t just a one-way street (e.g. self-disclosure, vulnerability, etc.).
It’s taken me longer than I care to admit that there’s more to being a good communicator than just being a good listener. I know it’s not a revolutionary thought, but perhaps others who identify themselves as “helpers” can relate to that same struggle. Being an effective communicator means allowing vulnerability and embracing opportunities for self-disclosure when they present themselves. And the beauty of Motivational Interviewing is that it provides such a strong framework for the openness and curiosity needed to foster strong interpersonal relationships. There is a time and place for each type of communication, but having the ability to marry the two together is true effective communication.
–Austin Portch, Clinical Advancement Manager
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